Hello beautiful people of the internet! Hope you all have being doing great.I was planning a post since the last week ( as this blog is the only thing that gives me peace of my lately) but I was so caught up in life stuff( yeah life happened!ugh!) that I just couldn’t focus on the piece. It’s like my mind was exploding with situations and what all could possibly go wrong in my life. So coming to the mini life update, I wanted to study abroad and it’s been a while since I was planning the same. I applied to a couple of places in Germany last year and was met with rejections thoroughly( sigh!).
Anyways I finally got an admit from a University in Netherlands and was pretty psyched about all the adventures coming up my way. For a moment I even decided to give up the comfortable cocoon of my home and my pre-existing health issues a miss to live my dreams. At the back of my mind I had my doubts but then I thought to myself,” What do you really have to loose?”. Anyways despite completing all the required procedures concerning my application I haven’t received the permit on time which makes me come to the main point- I am scared!
I am scared that giving up that comfortable job back home, the comfort of knowing that a stable income is always there I plan to pursue this vague European trip dream! But haven’t we all wanted that. I even have a huge bucket list of the places I want to see and experiences I want to experience. So I decided that while I can do nothing but wait for that to happen, this is how real life actually works. I might never get that perfect job, the perfect relationship, the euro trip I dreamed of but despite all that I will be okay:) I will focus on the positive aspects, the blessings, and face issues with courage cause maybe something even better, brighter and happier is out there waiting for me.
When my hirtuism was really at its worst phase I would think of depression and self harm at the time. Sometimes its hard to have hope and faith that things will be better eventually. I have been having a lot of bad days lately. My mood swings go from high to really low to worse. There are days when its hard to see the light and have faith in oneself. I have been vain since a really young age(pardon me as I write this ). Beauty has been important to me and hence the loss it has been traumatic.
Having PCOS and Hirutism have had damaging impacts on both my self esteem and psyche.One would assume that someone who blogs about fashion and skincare would be at peace with their own self image. Sadly to say it was never so in my case. I kept fighting to believe that my self esteem would magically improve with time but coming to it I realize it really just took a huge hit. I am still vain, wanting nothing more but to blend in with the crowd. Sometimes I do ask myself that isn’t going abroad to study going to be challenging to my psyche when I could just get a full body laser hair removal instead. I hate how powerless this health condition makes me feel. The only difference I noticed in the past few years is the strength to speak about it.Vulnerability is never easy. No one wants to show the world their bad parts, however now I know I can and I am not scared to face come what may:)
Never mind I hadn’t really planned to blog so much today , though it turned out into this really huge post it seems. I don’t even know if somewhere out there will read it or not. But I do truly to want to tell you out there you are not alone. Everyone has their bad days and ’cause this is my creative space I feel the need to be as honest as I can with you guys out there. Have a great day you all and do share if you have faced similar self doubts in your life ever!
P.S-Will be posting a tiny beauty haul next to compensate for this post:D